Revolving Is Okay...

Revolving is okay. What I can’t take is rotation!!!

I was made to revolve around the Sun. I’m always at a fixed distance away from her. I know she’s there for me and I also know that she won’t just cease to exist in my life all of a sudden. Well.. at least not for another zillion years, that is. I can feel her warmth, her glow, her existence.. all the time. The truth is.. I am because she is. And yet we are not together. We both survive as separate entities complementing each others presence. She breathes life into my continuation and yet.. we are not together. By some cosmic turn of events, we are spaced apart and this distance will always be there.

Don’t get me wrong.. I’m not complaining. All this shit is actually okay. It wasn’t always so, but I’ve come to terms with it. I mean, come to think of it.. what other options do I have? Either I could break free from my orbit and hurtle into the darkness of perpetuity.. or I could plunge into her fiery depths and burn out. Well, both don’t seem too appealing to me. I’m kinda comfortable this way. That’s why I state “revolving is okay”.

But why do I have to rotate at the same time? Peekaboo.. now I see you, now I don't!! My life is made of days and nights.. and they keep coming at me. It’s just not fair. We face each other in the deadly game of sinful passion, and our emotions get scorched in the heat of day. We turn away from each other, only to experience the deafening tranquility of night. It’s no fun oscillating between these two extremes.. trust me.

A Testimonial for Her...

"So when are you writing one for me???" she asked. "And when you do, feel free to lie blatantly, just like all the others have.”

But as I sit here now, staring hard at my monitor... half expecting a few magical words to materialize out of sheer nothingness... panic grips me. How could I possibly pen down what this girl means to me? How do I objectively list out what I feel about my heartbeat... when, from as long as I can remember, my existence has been intertwined with hers?

And then... she flits back into my thoughts.

She is my pillar of strenth, my only weakness... the cold voice that pushes me to dig out life, the warm bosom that cradles me when I falter... the only person who believes that I can change the world, the only person for whom I would ever want to change the world.

Chennai

During those 36 hour train journeys between Kolkata and Bangalore, I used to have a small stopover at Chennai. I would dump my bag in the cloak room and wander around aimlessly in the streets. Soaked with perspiration under the hot sun, I would listen to snippets of conversation in a language alien. For those couple of hours.. all alone.. I was free from the past that Kolkata wrapped me in, free from the future that Bangalore offered.

Three AM

Its three AM on a cold December night. The cloudy sky extends her arms to greet us, as our bus rushes towards the impassive darkness. I lie awake, not because of the bumpy ride... but to watch you, cuddled up against me, fast asleep. The soft blue light runs along your smooth cheeks and drips down your body. Through the slight parting of your lips, I catch a glimpse of your tongue... mocking me with enticement. I lean forward to listen to the sensuous sound of you breathing.

Suddenly, a cloud shifts... revealing the sharp moon rays, which scamper across the night sky to prick your face. You wrinkle your nose in silent discomfort. I slowly put my right hand on your eyes... to cover your fragile beauty, to protect your innocence. You let out a soft, throaty moan, as you snuggle up closer. Maybe, just maybe... I am in love.

On Loony Lyrics and Life

“Relationships are made of glass” said my eccentric roomie in one of his not-so-rare poetic moods... “they are difficult to make, but easy to break.”

Generally I turn a deaf ear to these cheesy lines from my lyrical friend... but not this time. This time I couldn’t help but muse upon his choice of words and chuckle. How wrong he was.

Point 1 : Making glass is not at all difficult. Ask any Chemical Engineering graduate who is worth his salt... and he’ll explain to you the entire process along with the Design Requirements and Thermodynamic Considerations. It’s just glass.

Point 2 : Breaking up is not that easy. Period.

We have officially called it off... our raisons d'être being too many. In fact, it’s been six months since we decided to crawl out of each other’s lives. Six painful months of consciously trying to keep myself from thinking about her... and I’m getting nowhere.

You see, breaking up is not that easy.

Five years ago... I fell in love with a goddess. For richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, for better or worse... till death do us part.

Get On With It...

Ok, so I’m a software engineer... and as much as I would love to hold somebody’s head down under water, the truth is... I can’t. Like the many other things I’m forbidden to do… ignore the 6:30 a.m. alarm every morning... enjoy the feeling of sweat trickling down the back of my shirt… have a social life outside my cramped cubicle space. I can’t.

Am I complaining? No... the fat paycheck I receive on the 30th of each month forbids me to do that too.

Welcome to my life.

The First Step

Blog... short for weblog... can be defined as an online personal journal... a frequent, chronological publication of personal thoughts, reflections, comments etc.

To me, it is that funny sound you hear when you are forcefully holding someone’s head under water trying to drown him.

BLOG-BLOG-BLOG...

Silence.

ARCTOPHYLAX

Arctophylax, the guardian of Arctos, was the ancient name of Arcturus (as referred to in Psalm 96:13)... the name of the brightest star in the Great Bear constellation.

It is pictured as a man walking rapidly, with a spear in his right hand and a sickle in his left hand.

Behind, and seeming to urge on the Bear,
Arctophylax, on earth Bootes named,
Sheds over the Arctic car his silver light.

The Greeks called this star Bo-otes, derived from the Hebrew root 'Bo' which means 'come'.

For He cometh,
For He cometh to judge the earth;
He shall judge the world in righteousness,
And the people with His truth.